Take A Look In The Mirror
by DivinitySickness
Summary: [Cyberchase] Completed. The remainders of the Cybersquad reflect on what happened, 18 years ago.
1. Disconnected

Title: Take A Look In The Mirror  
  
Rating: PG-13 (robotic violence, suicide, self-mutilation, some profanity)  
  
Summary: Exactly 18 years after a terrible accident occurs in Cyberspace, the Cybersquad reflect on the events on that day and the years afterwards...  
  
TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR  
  
By Final Fantasy  
  
Chapter 1: Disconnected  
  
I stared at my reflection in the cracked mirror lying on the dirty carpet of the room, unable to connect with what had happened 18 years ago. There was no words to explain how I felt, no way to express... except for one.  
  
I turned away from the mirror I had thrown in frustration on the floor, treading on some loose shards as I went. The sharp pieces pricked into my bare feet, almost drawing blood, but I barely flinched. It was nothing compared to what I was about to do.  
  
Walking over to a scratched set of drawers, I pulled one open with a quick flick of my wrist and began rummaging through the contents. My red fringe strove to cover my vision, but I brushed it away and continued looking. At last, I found what I was seeking and drew it out, taking pleasure in seeing the cold beauty of the object.  
  
It was a knife, black leather binding the handle. Though the blade was chipped, I knew it was still sharp. I knew. Pulling up the sleeves of my black jacket, I studied my wrist and forearm with a steady gaze. What was etched there would have made anyone wince....anyone but me. Long, deep cuts had been inflicted there, there on the inside of my forearm. I know what you're thinking. No, I never slit my actual wrist. That would mean death, and I don't want death just yet.  
  
It was the only way I could have release from the pain, the fear and knowledge that I killed her. The only way. Taking in a breath, and slumping onto the unmade bed, I ran the knife blade down the middle of my forearm, next to the other scars. Blood beaded at the edges, even spilled over to trickle down my arm, but I felt no pain. To me, it was a little release of the impending flood. Sighing, and wiping the blade clean on the bed sheets, I placed the knife back in the drawer and proceeded to pull on a pair of shoes.  
  
Once outside, I surveyed the cold winter landscape, there in the streets of the place where I live. Grass was edged in silver ice; the sidewalk was slippery and covered in snow. Trees were frosted. Like my heart. Like my soul...  
  
A couple of children skipped past me as I walked down the street, laughing happily in the winter world. I barely noticed the laughter. Nothing happy got to me ever since that terrible day. It was exactly 18 years ago. Exactly. Every year I had mourned, but this year the pain seemed more intense than ever. The pain had never gone away. And it never would.... not entirely, anyway. I had been only eleven when it happened, and now I was twenty-nine. Where had the time gone? Life was passing me by, and I could only clutch desperately at its swift beauty. Not that I wanted to clutch at it.  
  
I never denied that fact. The fact I am talking about is that event, when I was eleven. I killed one of my best friends...no, wait. My lover. Jackie.  
  
Her name still hurt to say after all these years. We always thought about each other in that special way, but never admitted it until that fateful day. Why was young love so forbidden?! Why did it have to be taken away from us so soon?!  
  
I never loved again. It's as if someone locked it away in my heart, along with my happy emotions, and threw away the key. And it wasn't just Jackie. My other best friend from Earth died with her. She was only nine, for God's sake. She was so young...so young. Yet when she was alive, she seemed older than what she truly was. She was so smart; it was part of her personality.  
  
I still can't admit it to myself, what Inez did when she saw Jackie die. I won't say it now, probably won't ever say it. It'll be up to someone else to tell you.  
  
The age of the Cybersquad ended that day, too. There was no need to go into Cyberspace anymore, as I was the only member from earth left. Oh, I could have helped. But I didn't want to. If I did, it would bring back painful memories, that would torment me every second I spent there. Not that I'm already tormented.  
  
Continuing on my way down the street, I reminisced about Cyberspace. God, how I loved that place. I still do love it. But I also hate it, hate it with every fibre of my being. It caused the pain that resides in me now. It caused the death of my lover and friend. People who had been close to me had died, thanks to that fucking place.  
  
I came to a small park, with a pond that was frozen over. Oh yes, it was a winter wonderland. But it was not something I marveled at. Right next to the pond sat a park bench, and as I lowered myself down on it, I could feel the icy coldness of the wood biting into my skin. It should have hurt, but it didn't. Maybe I was impervious to physical pain. It was just mental pain that ate at my soul with awful accuracy.  
  
Taking in a breath, and letting out slowly, I decided that enough was enough. It was time to relive the past, to show you why I had killed Jackie. How I had killed Jackie...  
  
Putting my face in my hands, and closing my eyes, I gripped my red hair with white hands and began to enter a flashback...  
  
...FLASHBACK...  
  
The Cybersquad found themselves underground, where Hacker's torture chamber was located. It was where he found out information on cybersites to use against them...however; it was a sick, twisted man who was behind the events. The things done to the people in there were horrific, and to witness it was to be the person being tortured.  
  
As the trio crept past the cellblock, they looked inside each of them, eyes ever searching the darkest sections. Why were they here, in this place that stank of death and fear and pain? Of blood and bone? To find their friend, who had been taken into the depths of this Hell on Earth...one who did not deserve to be there.  
  
I stepped quietly past another cell, where a thin, white-skinned woman stared hopelessly through the bars. Her eyes, those beautiful eyes, cried out to me, but I resisted. I could not help. I could never help. My friend was further on...further on...and if I could not help her...?  
  
Oh, I was angry. Very angry. Hacker had sunk to a new low...I could actually feel myself shaking with half-fear, half-rage as I continued, into the torture chambers. Occasionally, high, piercing screams would issue from within, making the hair on my neck stand up with the eerie sound. Shouts echoed through the stone hallway, hysterical with pain and fear. Fear of death.  
  
I halted suddenly, Inez knocking slightly into me, and Digit into her. "Quiet..." I whispered, my voice raspy, my lips cracked and dry. 'Listen." It was one particular set of shouts...of screams...that I took in. They were familiar to me, and by that I knew.  
  
"It's coming from there. She's in there!" I pointed at a door slightly to our left, and turned to face the other two, eyes wild, heart beating madly beneath my ribcage. Was it trying to escape from its prison of bone? Was it pumping fit to burst? Ignoring my frightened heart, I faced the door again. "I've had enough of this sneaking around. I'm going in there."  
  
Inez grabbed my arm, her steady gaze holding my unstable one. "You can't do it alone." Her voice was steel-edged, hard as diamonds. Wrenching the appendage out of her grasp, I began to walk towards the metal-studded door. "I don't care." The words were thrown over my shoulder like a discarded piece of garbage. I never heard her angry reply.  
  
Bursting through the door as if it were made like a regular household one rather than a heavy hardwood entrance, I was horrified at what I saw. Jackie – for she was the one that was captured - was strapped to a metal surgeon's table, set up on a flight of steps in the middle of the room. Many wounds made in her arms, legs and body...some were festering, infected, and it was no wonder, considering the state of this hellhole. The beautiful girl's eyes were closed, and the hand I could see was clenched, most likely in pain...her face was set, expression blank as an empty sheet of paper.  
  
"Ah, at last you come." Through a haze of shock and rage, I finally registered a voice echoing from a shadowed corner. It was a very familiar voice – evil, black as the darkest night, cold as the coldest moon. I was so angry, so very angry, that I could barely stand to hear it. Clutching my hands to my head, I shouted, through tightly clenched teeth, "Come here, Hacker. Come here and say that."  
  
The green cyborg revealed himself, stepping out from the shadows with a swish of cape and tap of boot. "It is unfortunate," he smirked, striding ever closer. "I had hoped there would at least be a chase...but look." He gestured behind me, and I realized, at last, that Inez and Digit had followed me in.  
  
"Why have you done this to her?" I asked, glaring at him through my red fringe. Annoyed, I shook my head, clearing my vision. From the expression in Hacker's eyes, I could see that he read my stare as easily as you would a book. I could see the fear in his eyes, and I reveled in it!  
  
"Well?" Unconsciously, my voice grew louder as I pressed the question on him.  
  
"I needed at least one of you," the cyborg finally answered. "Someone to get information off...to tell me about your world, and what makes you humans so hard to defeat!" He grinned suddenly, maliciously, coming to a stop directly in front of me, looking down at me. "Things are about to change, my dear boy."  
  
I pushed my face up to his, mad with anger. He could see it in my eyes...I could see the fear in his, stronger than before. The stench of fear rose up around me, and I drank it in like you would breathe the air. "Don't ever call me that," I choked through my anger. "Ever."  
  
We were interrupted by a soft moan coming from the metal table. "Jackie!" My eyes slid past Hacker, and I ran up the steps to her side, placing a trembling hand on her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared up at me, stare unrecognizing. I took my hand off her forehead and placed both on her shoulders, shaking her gently. 'Jackie!" She closed her eyes again. "Jax!" My voice was coming close to breaking. When I called her name a third time, the African-American opened her eyes again, and then seemed to register who I was. "Matt?" Her voice was weak; I could barely hear it. Sliding my hand once more to her forehead again, I could feel incredible heat emanating from her. She was running a high fever...  
  
"Matt?" This time her voice was stronger, and she looked as if she was about to say something else, but then a strong, vice-like hand clamped upon my shoulder. "Enough of this." Three guesses who it was.  
  
I threw his hand off my shoulder, cringing at the touch. "Get off me." My voice was filled with hatred. But nothing I ever said would be able to describe the hatred I felt for the disgusting creature.  
  
"I've already got your friends, and unless you want them to come to harm before due, I suggest you surrender now." Hacker hissed this at me, moving in an attempt to grip me again. I dodged, and directed my gaze over to where Inez and Digit were standing. However, this time they were not alone. Buzz held Digit; Delete held Inez. But the taller android had a look of great discomfort on his face; every time Inez moved, he would flinch, a look of great pain as his expression. Who knew what was wrong with him? Who cared...? Still, I wondered, my mind drifting for a few seconds.  
  
Turning my gaze back to Jackie, I could see that she was jerking in pain...in a flash I knew that Hacker had stabbed her. An unadorned handle protruded from her chest; her eyes were wide open, yet she made no sound. Lips slightly parted, she held her chest with both hands and weakly fell still, blood spilling to the floor in deep red pools. And it was all my fault, for letting my mind wander while he murdered her...  
  
"YOU BASTARD!" I roared, darting up the steps once more, and flinging myself on Jackie. She looked over at me. "Pull it out." Her voice was strong, and rang around the stonewalled room. I shook my head. "But I –"  
  
"PULL IT OUT!" It was a command, something I couldn't ignore. Taking a deep breath, I gripped the knife handle with sweaty palms, and yanked it out of her chest, wincing as it grated against bone on its exit from the ribcage. It came up through flesh and muscle, and as I pulled it out with a grunt, a spray of blood hit me full in the face. It trickled down my cheek, making me retch and wipe it away with a dirty hand.  
  
Jackie stared upwards, at my face...her expression was now one of peace. "Thank you..." she whispered softly. Then – "Come closer..." I leaned forwards, hardly daring to breathe, not daring to speak. "Closer..."  
  
As I came right next to her mouth, I could hear her breathing, sounding like she was trying to breathe through a straw. It was strained, faint...and growing weaker by the second. "What is it?" I questioned, as beneath my hand the blood continued to flow.  
  
"I...love you...Matt..." There was a gasp. Then she was silent. I could no longer hear her breathing. Behind me, I was terribly aware of Hacker sneering at me, feel the shocked stares of Delete, Inez, Buzz and Digit on my back. And still, there was silence. Then, at long last, it dawned on me. Jackie had spoken her last words, had parted from this world.  
  
She was dead.  
  
With no attempt to wipe away the tears that were streaming down my face, I lowered my mouth to hers and gave her one soft, passionate kiss as my last gift to her. "I love you, too..." I whispered to her, so quietly that only I could hear. Then I was consumed by the rage that had been eating at me ever since I heard of her capture, and closed my eyes and wept.  
  
...END FLASHBACK...  
  
"No..." The words I breathed were exhaled in a puff of frosted air. Through my fingers, I could see the winter world once more...it was icy and cold, yet as beautiful and proud as a goddess. Yet why should I revel in this beauty?  
  
Resuming an upright position, I stiffly drew back my sleeve and surveyed my arm. It was scored with the marks of my pain; I would never have release. I accepted that. It was a part of me, something I couldn't get rid of.  
  
I only continued to live because Jackie would have wanted to. To waste a life because hers had ended was not the way. It was never the way. For though I had failed to prevent her death, it wasn't right to cause mine.  
  
Pulling down my black sleeve again, I started to walk down the street once more, a cold smile on my face as I noticed a couple of winter rays coming out from underneath the clouds. For though it was not right to love again, it was to smile.  
  
With that expression still remaining, I slowly made my way down the wintry street, out of sight. 


	2. Denied

Title: Take A Look In The Mirror  
  
Rating: PG-13 (robotic violence, suicide, self-mutilation, some profanity)  
  
Summary: Exactly 18 years after a terrible accident occurs in Cyberspace, the Cybersquad reflect on the events on that day and the years afterwards...  
  
TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR  
  
By Final Fantasy  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Cyberchase!  
  
Chapter 2: Denied  
  
The metallic sound of my fists against the door resounded through the near- empty room. I had pounded it in frustration and anger...why did it have to end this way? Why did I have to die?  
  
My antennae sparked faintly as I caught the sound of voices, coming down the hallway. I could hear their footsteps sounding out their beat...I could hear their muttering as clearly as if I were there with them...they sounded alive, so alive. It was a change to what I was used to. Throwing myself against the heavy metal door, my fingers causing deep furrows in the steel, I screamed. I screamed as loudly as I could.  
  
"Help me! HELP ME!...Oh God, please just help me..." My voice died down to a cracked whisper as I slumped against the door, hearing the footsteps fade away to nothing. Maybe it had been a figment of my imagination. It was probable, since this door had been locked for – what was it now? – 5 years. Ever since the CBI had come and cleared out the old torture chambers. I had been locked in here, and no one knew...my food had run out five days ago.  
  
As I slammed my fists against the door once more, I felt them crack horribly. Drawing them back with a gasp of pain, I surveyed the black-red blood beginning to pour from the inch-long cracks in each. It hurt like hell. Nearly all of my other limbs had gone that way; I had endured pain for so long.  
  
With my last desperate onslaught, the door had begun to groan, though I had not noticed this, and with a loud screech of metal against metal, it slowly toppled over and landed with a bang on the stone floor outside. The lock had rusted at last.  
  
I attempted to get up, but my legs gave way beneath me and I fell to the floor once more. They no longer worked properly; I hadn't been maintained for so long...so very long...My shirt, rent and torn in too many places, was practically falling off of me, and was soaked with the blood, sweat and tears of the ordeal I had been living through...barely. And not only that, I had also witnessed the death of the one being who I had loved. Not brotherly love. The other type of love...she had destroyed my creator, The Hacker, with her bare hands. I had enjoyed the sight of him screaming in pain; it was a bloodthirsty thought. But to see my love fall to the dirty floor, dying even as she fell, to see her suffer like that, was enough to send me spinning into emotional torment for many days. I'll tell you what happened, when Inez died...  
  
...FLASHBACK...  
  
The eleven-year-old boy leaned on the dead girl's body. I could see him shaking with suppressed sadness; it was horrible to see both him and her like that. Hacker, who had killed Jackie, was standing near Matt, close to laughing. He was actually grinning at the heartbreaking scene before us all! I felt a flash of anger rise up in my mind as I watched him; in that moment, I decided it was time, and released Inez, who I had been keeping prisoner.  
  
Unexpectedly, and with a scream of rage, the girl leaped forward, straight at Hacker. I moved to stop her, but I was too late...she snatched up the knife from where it lay and brought it down in the chest of the green cyborg, causing him to topple backwards, onto the floor, with a yell of pain.  
  
Inez, tears falling from behind her glasses, knelt and put one boot on Hacker's stomach, and grasped the knife handle with her delicate hand. With as much strength as she could muster, it looked, she pushed the blade down and around in a circle, flicking the knife so a huge chunk of Hacker's flesh was ripped out and thrown behind her. The cyborg was hardly daring to breathe; he was watching her fearfully, though he made no sign that he felt pain.  
  
Suddenly, the Latino came to his central memory cover. Inserting the blade under the cover and flipping it up, she let it fall to the floor with a metallic clatter. As she looked deep into his eyes, gripping the wires that kept him running, she hissed something I only just caught. "Now the joke's on you, Hacker..." And with those last words, she pulled up with both hands, snapping the wires in her grasp.  
  
A blast of electricity jolted into her, and she dropped to the floor, still holding the broken and trailing wires in one hand. There was a shower of sparks as electricity continued to pour itself into Inez's jerking body, giving her a halo of bright blue. Then, with a loud bang that made the remainders of us jump, Hacker had frozen, a look of extreme horror on his face. Inez fell still, and silence reigned, with only the steady drip-drip- drip of blood still pouring from Jackie's prone form.  
  
Giving a loud gasp, I found I could move, and stumbled over to Inez's still body. Fear made my limbs difficult to stir; I reached her at last, falling to my knees, terribly aware of the fact that tears were threatening to overflow. Time seemed to stop as I stared down at her paper-white face, hoping, praying...it was then that she twitched, and shifted her head slightly to look at me. Her lovely eyes seemed to look straight into my soul...then, my lips longing for her touch, I leaned down and gently kissed her, wanting to express all the love I had for her, and unable to in that sweet, fleeting moment...yet I think she knew. I think she always knew. And it was that knowledge that kept her alive for that single second.  
  
As soon as I drew away from her, she shuddered, and finally went limp, her eyes going awfully, horribly blank. Her hand went cold in mine; I didn't even realize I was holding it until then. With a sigh, I gently closed her eyes with a shaking hand, and laid hers down at her side, getting to my feet and gazing down at her. Even in death, she was beautiful.  
  
...END FLASHBACK...  
  
With a defeated sigh, I slumped to the cold floor again, muscles protesting, and began to drag myself forward, one thing firmly fixed in my mind. Had to get to the torture chamber. Had to get there...  
  
Every movement was torture itself, but I ignored it and struggled on. The thought of Inez was enough to keep me going...my strength was running out fast. I gasped for breath, the cracks in my broken body wet with fresh blood. It was smeared on the stones as I dragged myself ever forwards, staining them black-red, making them slippery and hard to grip. My knuckles, scraped and bloody, were white through the layers of dirt, but I pressed on.  
  
Grip. Drag. Rest. Grip Drag. Rest. It became a pattern in my mind, as I automatically moved through them all. The blood continued to flow. The cracks continued to enlarge, spreading across my body in a network, a spider's web that would never be washed away by the cooling rain. My mind continued to grow weaker by the minute.  
  
But somehow, I got there. I saw the chamber up ahead, and dragged myself over the threshold, wondering vaguely if it would still be there. For once, my luck seemed to work for me, and I caught the deadly glitter of a knife, lying in a patch of moss, half-covered by the green plant. With trembling fingers, I clutched at the cold hilt, pulling it towards me with an effort. I tested the blade with one finger, propped up on my elbows. A bead of blood formed at the tip of the finger, and began to slide down to my palm.  
  
Still sharp.  
  
Setting the knife on its hilt and holding it with a pale hand, feeling the icy coolness of the deathly beautiful blade, I positioned myself so my chest was above the still-gleaming steel. Then I let it all go...let my mind wander...let my limbs go limp...  
  
As I slumped to the floor, the blade sliced through the thin steel of my chest and embedded itself in my central memory. The first crackles of electricity sounded in my ears, and my antennae sparked for the last time...already, I could feel myself slipping, slipping into the all-consuming death.  
  
Nothing mattered anymore. It was better to end my life now, than continue suffering like this. Buzz had been taken by the CBI, was probably dead by now. My creator was murdered. My only love had ended her life. Jackie...she was dead. Matt had gone, to where I didn't know. What was the point? All hope had left me alone and shivering in the dark.  
  
The last faint sparks fell to the floor and were immediately extinguished...I heard the faint, godly sound of my system shutting down for a final time. I had fulfilled my part in that long story of the Cybersquad which was but a flash of silver in the stream of time. I took in my last breath, and let it out slowly...My vision flickered, until, at long, long last, the darkness came.  
  
Maybe beyond the barrier of life was something more for me. I rose to greet it. 


	3. Defied

**TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR**  
  
**By Final Fantasy  
**  
**Disclaimer:** _I do not own any part of Cyberchase!  
_  
**WARNING:** Eh. Just a 'lil bit of gore.  
  
**Author's notes:** Well, this is it. The final score.  
  
**Chapter 3: Defied**  
  
Defied. That was the only word I'd use for what I'd done. I deserved what was happening to me now...I had been but a spectator at that horrific event that heralded thtokens of the old world, which I had loved so much...too much.  
  
With a sigh, I rubbed once again at my wings, which had been bound by control handcuffs. The control handcuffs were optimized specially for robotic use; if I tried to fly, or transform my beak into a weapon or a tool, it would send a white-hot blast of electricity through my circuits, rendering me unconscious for a few hours until my system recovered. It was a safety measure, to stop robots escaping; the toolbox in my chest had been totally emptied of its contents.  
  
To take my mind off that less than encouraging fact, I turned my mind once more to the horrific events of that day. It was firmly imprinted on my memory chip; I could see them as clearly as if I was there again...  
  
...FLASHBACK...  
  
I watched Delete stagger over to Inez with fogged vision; I could only just see through the mist of terror and anger, which had been formed from the emotions of the past events. It confused me...made me angry. I was so filled with rage, that it started to overload my circuits...  
  
I started to shriek, loudly and ear-piercingly...Buzz, who was holding me, jerked at the sound, but continued to keep a tight hold on my wings. At this, I grew even more infuriated, and snapped at him fiercely with my beak. I had half a mind to transform it and stab him with it, but the thought bare horrific events of that day. It was firmly imprinted on my memory chip; I could see them as clearly as if I was there again...  
  
...FLASHBACK...  
  
I watched Delete stagger over to Inez with fogged vision; I could only just see through the mist of terror and anger, which had been formed from the emotions of the past events. It confused me...made me angry. I was so filled with rage, that it started to overload my circuits...  
  
I started to shriek, loudly and ear-piercingly...Buzz, who was holding me, jerked at the sound, but continued to keep a tight hold on my wings. At this, I grew even more infuriated, and snapped at him fiercely with my beak. I had half a mind to transform it and stab him with it, but the thought barely broke through the wall of rage that had gone up in my brain. Common sense packed up and left, until the only thing remaining was the destructive, wild animal rage that had always been hidden, deep under the surface. I gave in to that animal rage, gave all my soul, body and mind...thought was a long-forgotten dream.  
  
Whipping around to face Buzz, I snarled, enjoying the sudden look of fear on his face. His grip slackened, then let go completely. Hah! I was free...  
  
I heard him speak, but I only just processed it through my rage. "Digit? What 'da hell are you doing?" I could see he was puzzled, as well as afraid. More than afraid. Terrified.  
  
The very sound of his voice made me go insane. And it was very unlucky for him that something came along to help me. The knife, the same one with which Hacker had murdered Jackie, the same one Inez had used to murder him, came skittering towards me. Delete had thrown it away from him in his grief, and the lovely blade came spinning across the stone floor. I reached for it with a mad grin, and then turned my glare to face Buzz once more. He had, through restraining me, caused the death of two of my friends, and he was going to PAY!  
  
I could have stopped Hacker...I could have stopped Inez...  
  
Buzz whimpered at the glare I gave him. It caught me by surprise; Buzz rarely whimpered, whatever the circumstance. It did not throw me off, however; I continued to advance, step by step, my shoes tapping on the floor, echoing through the large room. Until finally, he was pressed in a corner, cowering in fear. Oh, how I was loving every moment of this!  
  
Without warning, I pressed myself to the short android and put my wings around him, as if I were embracing him. The intention, however, was not affection. I still had the knife in my left wing...  
  
He struggled, fought my grip, but it was like iron...he was panting, gaze wild with fear as he halted his struggle for a moment. I could feel Buzz's breath on my face, as we stood for a single silent second, eye to eye in that locked position.  
  
And in that final second, I committed the crime I was later imprisoned for. I stabbed him in the back. Literally...  
  
The sharp blade, the perfect steel marred only by a few flecks of robotic and human blood, cut through the thin steel that covered his back, sank into circuitry and wires, severed oil valves vital to his system. At last, I felt it plunge into his central memory, and pushed downwards, feeling the sudden flow of robotic blood beginning to stain my wings. He went limp against me...with a grunt, I pulled the knife out of his back, and let him fall to the floor, dropping to my knees in front of him and watching him with a predator-like stare. Glancing down at the knife, I could see it was covered in blood; raising it to my lips, I licked the blade carefully, so as not to cut myself. The black-red blood tasted bittersweet...  
  
A groan issued from his lips, and he breathed heavily, trying to stay alive for a few more precious moments. Then, there was a long period of silence as his heart rate dropped...he looked up at me with eyes that were streaming with tears, and breathed a couple of words that shocked me to the core.  
  
"How could you do 'dis? To your own brother...?" Then he was silent once more. He would never speak again. His words were like a bucket of icy water being thrown over me. I couldn't move. I couldn't even scream...  
  
"Oh...God..." I let out a distressed moan as I scrambled to my feet and backed away from his still form. Buzz's eyes had already faded to black. "No...no..."  
  
I heard a screech from somewhere else in the room, knowing with a sinking heart who it was. Delete, who had at last detached himself from Inez, came flying at me from nowhere, sending me crashing to the floor. The impact jolted through my circuits, making me shake violently with the shock, and my system began to shut down temporarily. A safety measure, to stop it from overloading. I was wracked with guilt and sorrow for my dead friends and what I'd done...I no longer cared, just lay there on the cold, hard stone floor and let Delete attempt to throttle me to death, feeling his fingers dig into my throat, even drawing blood...then I went spinning into the darkness...  
  
When I woke at last, having recovered from the beating my anger had given my circuits, I was in custody of the police. While I was immobile, they had been alerted by Motherboard of the events proceeding at the Northern Frontier, and invaded the torture chambers immediately. Inevitable it was that they found me lying unconscious, clutching the bloodstained knife in one wing, near the cadaver of Buzz. Inevitable, that I was charged by the CBI for the murder of my own brother. I had not been provoked, they claimed. And yet, my lawyers, and even Motherboard, fought for my freedom.  
  
For years the argument raged back and forth – who was the guilty party? As you probably already know, a fateful day came when I was officially charged and thrown into prison, awaiting death row. Motherboard, and my lawyers, could do no more. Matt could hardly look at me; if he did so much as glance at me, his expression would become one of emotional torment. I would watch as his face tightened, his expression closed, and he looked away. It signaled the end of our friendship...the end of the Cybersquad. I knew, in that second, when he turned his painful gaze from me, that it was hopeless.  
  
...END FLASHBACK...  
  
I scratched once more at the control handcuffs, almost absently. I still half-believed, in a way, that someone, anyone, maybe even Matt, would come for me and claim my freedom. I don't know why. I just did...I wanted to believe I wasn't about to die.  
  
The sound of footsteps echoing into my dank cell jolted me considerably. There were many people locked up in my block, people that were waiting for the tell-tale sound of footsteps outside their cell. It meant death. It always would. Squeezing my eyes shut and muttering frantic prayers under my breath, I hoped against hope that it wouldn't be me. Even a few hours more in this cell would be worth it – I would still be alive, would I not?  
  
Unfortunately, my prayers went unanswered, and I knew it as I heard the jangle of keys being pulled out of a pocket, as the holder selected the correct one, and unlocked my door. As it clanged to with a screech of rusted metal, a few figures stepped into my cell, and my heart sank. It was time.  
  
Without a word, I was shoved out of my cell and lead down the hallway; the light was so blinding that I had to screw up my eyes in order to see where I was going.  
  
"What are you doing?" The panic in my voice was clear enough so that even the stupidest person could identify it; my captors obviously noticed and tightened their grip on me, refusing to answer my frightened question. Now unable to move, I stopped struggling and stared ahead. I was now able to see; the blinding brightness was clearing from my eyes.  
  
The remote for the control handcuffs was dangling of one of their belts. If only I could reach it...but they were holding my wings so tightly I could barely feel them. All seemed hopeless, but I did not want to die.  
  
As we continued on down the hallway, a plan started to form in my mind. Maybe there was some hope left...if this worked...  
  
Gritting my teeth, I relaxed my muscles so I, myself, dangled from my captors' grip as loosely as a set of keys. I could see the little lights on the control handcuffs blinking away; feel them vibrate slightly like they always did. It infuriated me; I had had enough of the restricting things.  
  
Catching my captors off guard, I wrenched my wings out of their grip, the remote clutched tightly in my left. I had managed to slip if off the belt without the guard noticing, and now pressed the large red button on it, backing away from the guards, who were advancing on me with deliberate slowness.  
  
The control handcuffs gave a loud beep and released their hold on me; I smiled gladly as they fell to the floor with a clang. Then I turned to the guards, with that smile still set on my face.  
  
One of them had an oddly shocked look on his face – it seemed like he was scared of me. But why?  
  
"Oh God," the other breathed, eyes wide, face staring. "Oh God, oh God..."  
  
Confused, I paused for a moment. "Why are you afraid?" I questioned. The pair of them gaped at me stupidly for a few seconds, then the first guard, his voice trembling, answered me.  
  
"You're a murderer...you're going to kill us all..." He almost fell flat on his face when I flew over to him – ah! How good it was to fly again! – and looked down at him curiously.  
  
"Why would I do that?"  
  
"Because...you're a murderer!"  
  
"I'm a boid."  
  
"Yeah, but you also killed someone!"  
  
"I knew that!"  
  
"Just get it over and done with!"  
  
"No."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said, no."  
  
"So...you're not going to kill us?"  
  
"What, with my bare hands – er, wings?"  
  
"Well...that's what you did to the Hacker's assistant, wasn't it?"  
  
"Nope. That was with a knife."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"I don't have a knife with me, in case you're wondering." There was a trace of sarcasm in my voice.  
  
I looked around. "Now, tell me, and don't lie. How do I escape?" I had made a decision. It was either get out or die, and I knew which option I'd take. The guard made haste to tell me.  
  
"Well, you just go out of that door, into the administration office, and out another door. Then you'll be out of here."  
  
"Any catches?"  
  
"There are at least forty police officers and guards on the other side of this door." He pointed to the door right behind me, arm shaking violently.  
  
"Okay...can you do something for me?"  
  
"Yeah...?" I could see the paralyzing fear in his eyes. I knew that fear all too well.  
  
"Put on those control handcuffs. One each. Now, or I really will kill you." Of course, I wouldn't have done so; it was just a threat to make the two do what I wanted. Reduced to lying...my standards were getting way low these days.  
  
Once I had made sure the pair were lying on the floor with their faces to the wall, I flew over to the steel-like door with my heart in my mouth. Forty police officers and guards who had each trained as a CBI agent. At least.  
  
After a long pause, in which I looked over my shoulder to check the two guards had not run away, I reached up and turned the round, hard knob with a slightly sweaty wing, and let the door swing open.  
  
It was worse than I had imagined. What a pity it was that I hadn't thought of what I would do. Now, the possibilities raced through my mind in that one moment in which I hovered, unseen as of yet, in that doorway. Should I try to race through, or sneak around? It was now or never. As a large group of guards standing on the other side of the room near the exit caught sight of me and began to raise the alarm, I gathered myself together and shot towards that exit that would lead me to freedom.  
  
Hurtling through the air at an unmeasurable speed, I flew by shocked faces, desks overflowing with paperwork, sullen teenage shoplifters...it was a forgotten luxury to see so much variety and colour.  
  
My luck suddenly took a turn for the good as the door swung open, and a single police officer stepped in; he had most likely just finished his lunch break (this I knew from taking a glance at one of the digital clocks on the walls). I saw his eyes widen as I sped towards him. I saw his muscles tense as he prepared to step aside. Like a speeding bullet I shot through the impossibly small gap between him and the door...and I caught my first glimpse of the sky in years through the front windows. God, it was beautiful. I saw so much in that single moment in which I flew between the door and freedom...the familiar binary clouds gathered in the pinkish sky...and the buildings, almost touching the atmosphere, but not quite getting there.  
  
It was then that a hand clamped around my tail and sent me crashing to the floor along with my hopes and dreams.  
  
The policeman had caught me. As I stared, trying half-heartedly to get back towards that sky which I loved, scrabbling at the cold, hard floor, he dragged me back inside, and I was controlcuffed once more.  
  
And oh, as they lead me now down that corridor again to certain death, I hold in my mind that single image of the sky...the freedom I could have had. I think of the good times, of Matt, of Jackie, of Inez...even of Buzz and Delete, my brothers. I dare not let the thought of my creator enter my mind, for that will only fill me with hatred. And it is not good to hate before the end.  
  
I am dragged into the death row waiting room. I can hear the screams of criminals who are meeting their end. I do not deny that I am one of them, for after all, I killed my own brother. It's quite cold in here, rank with fear and the slight smell of death. The other prisoners waiting their turn...I can detect their despair, though I am not. There is no point in worrying. All hope is gone, along with my friends, and so I'm sitting here without fighting. Without hoping.  
  
Patiently waiting for the end.  
  
**A/N:** An ending, at last. I hope it's not too hastily done...at least I can go and finish off some other fanfics as well. I liked writing this especially. Hope **you** liked this one, and I'll cya all later. :-)  
  
P.S. Do you ever notice that some of my fanfics end with a sentence that has 'waiting' in it? (Well, maybe only one other: Bullet With Butterfly Wings. "Waiting for me..." Yeah. Paranoia, let me tell you.) 


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